this one

Okay, who is going to Derby? Last year was off the hook, from the couple who stripped to their birthday suit in front of hundreds of shocked spectators (Dude had a cocktail weenie. I think I would have left my stuff covered if I was that small. The chick was hot though, thank god!), to the guy who passed out in the grass (We covered him with leaves and sticks), to the cops whocharged into the perpetual smoking 4:20 bush, sending stoners scrambling everywhere to evade capture, to me winning $510 on the Kentucky Derby with my last bit of cash on a longshot – it was a great time!

I live three blocks from the track, so I'm hoping to head over there again this year. Then again, I've been so busy working my day job, playing out with Year Of The Gun, writing for LMN, trying out new drummers (we finally found a beast of a drummer) and reviewing concerts for the paper that I barely have time to breathe these days!

I have to admit I have led an interesting life. Things could be a lot worse than being Eddy Metal.

Sure there are haters and c**kblockers galore who love to run their pieholes about me, but that comes with the territory, I reckon. It's all good. I've played hundreds of shows of music of my creation. I guarantee I've broken a record at attending concerts in Louevil. I could not even begin to count the number of shows I have seen. Thousands! I've put together many a show for the original musicians in this region as well. So yeah, I like to think I deserve a little respect for all the work I've put into helping this music scene. A lot of you are very appreciative to me for my work, and I thank you from the bottom of my black heart for the support.

And the women? Well. Let's just say I'm a lucky bastard who likes a little variety and has lived life to the fullest. I love women and cherish them. Without them, I would shrivel up and die! Of course a girlfriend would be nice. But I like to be single too much to tie myself down like that.

I'm not one of those poor shleps who has to have someone. Especially with summer coming and my band playing out so much these days. Let the sowing of the wild oats begin!

It would have to be one special lady to capture my heart. She would have to be able to suck a golf ball through a garden hose, cook like Betty Crocker and her stuff would have to be so good that fireworks would have to shoot out from her nether regions!

I recently got to see some great shows: Cheech and Chong, STP, Alice In Chains, Kreator in Chicago. I've been a busy bastage and a lot more shows are coming up. so be sure to read my stuff to find out what is worth attending in Louevil and the region.

The Metal Grapevine

Free Tickets to Fear Factory/Prong (FREE RIDE):

Fear Factory is coming to Headliners Music Hall on Friday, May 28! I know this industrial thrash hardcore band is late Nineties metal, but they are one of my faves! They completely destroy 'live.' If you youngsters haven't seen them, you should not miss this band's return. These guys used to tear chit up at the Toy Tiger! Look up "Demanufacture" or "Archetype" on youtube! We've got a few tickets for you to win. Message me at Myspace.com/eddymetalrocks on Sunday, May 23 at 9 p.m. sharp. Closest ones to 9 win! In subject line put "SHOCK."

Cheech and Chong at The Palace:

I have to be honest with you; I thought Cheech and Chong would do the same schtick they did last year at Horseshoe Casino. I'm glad I was wrong. At the Palace. they unleashed some new stuff this time around. Of course, they talked about weed a lot.

Chong and wife Shelby were making fun of Cheech's no-moustache look, and Cheech went off for a bit about him getting a divorce saying "she got her favorite ride in the divorce, my moustache!"

Cheech then described how the two met in the 60's in Canada, and ended up having burlesque/comedy/music shows instead of laying carpet at a drab day job. Cheech said "Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll, or laying carpet? What would you do?"

The group won a band battle and there wasn't even any music! Cheech then stated the he felt "Like the only Mexican in the world who emigrated to the USA from Canada. Then the guys did the bit where Chong plays an undercover cop and busts Cheech, who was selling pot.

The cop putting a gun to his head and messing with him like he's going to shoot, even poking him in the testes threatening to fire! Finally the cop (Chong) ordered him to drop to his knees, at which point the cop says "you know what I want you to do,don't ya punk?" The punk was like No Way! Then the cop says"Pray!" Then Chong says "ooohhhh lord, we are thankful for this dinner..and."

The cops says "Ooooh making fun of the lord huh? The Cheech lunges fast and grabs the cops gun and turns it on him! And says "HAHA!!! Cop, down on your knees! And you know what I want you to do Cop? And it's not pray!" Ha. Then they ragged on Santa Claus a bit, which was funny. "Elves, Midgets and they make toys? That's some weird mf'er's" said Cheech! "Santa gave his reindeer magic dust so they could fly? Omg.Santa is a tweeker!" They brought out a favorite, Harry Palms. The world championship masterbator seven years in a row! Harry Palms was Chong in a long trenchcoat and goofy glasses , and it was obvious he was busy at his profession as he was being interviewed by Chong.

So Harry, what's next on the list from you? You just won Japan's highly touted Fists Of Fury Competition, how can you top that? Harry Reply's " Well, you know you just want to give it your all. I'm always looking to improve my technique. I just developed a new style. I take hold of it with both

hands like this, and I just bang it against my forehead like this!"

Chong's guitar rig wasn't working right, so he cracked a joke trying to blame the venue saying they didn't pay the light bill! Of course it was just a little cord problem with his amp. No biggie.

Then Shelby came out and goofed off saying that the two should have a TV show called grumpy old stoners. And that it should be on a channel called the THC Channel.

The guys broke out some tunes as usual, like " Me and my old lady", an old tune that Chong wrote in the 60's called "Does your mamma know about me?" which was a serious song and not intended to be funny. They rocked out a clean version of "Save the whales" off of the movie Nice Dreams.

Then Cousin Red (Cheech's character in Next Movie) came out and sang "Tie my pecker to a tree", and joked around a bit. Cousin Red was priceless as he joked about his young gf getting a tattoo of a clamshell on her upper thigh "so he could still smell the ocean when he's on tour!"

Blind Melon Chetland (Chong's oldest blues player in the world character) from Africa, Mississippi,

came out and sang and fooled around a bit. However, I liked it better when he was slow and supposed to be slow like on the movie "still smokin."

Cheech's Alice Bowie' tutu dance was there as always.

Then the two went into how America should legalize weed. Chong said there are several quotes in the bible which talk about weed. "God is the most high?" Cheech talked about Moses and the burning bush, and how his followers followed him around going "Moses, give us a hit, you f**ker!"

About the 40 years searching the wilds for a land of milk and honey? "They had the munchies!" yelled Chong in his loveable way! Cheech And Chong ended the night with "Born in East L.A", "Mexican American", and their new tune called "Let's get it legal" which of course was the theme and name of this event. I had a good time seeing characters I grew up with. Thanks to Livenation, Louisville Palace, Rosemarie and Jennifer. You rock!

Korn Returns 2 Louevil:

L.A trend-setters Korn are back after a long layoff and they will be here in Louisville on May 4 at Expo 5. This should be a fun show with lots in freaks in attendance. A lot of females too, I bet! So guys, you might wanna get that ticket for that reason, even if you don't like the band so much.

I've never been a big fan of the nu–metal, but I wouldn't mind seeing these legendary rockers in action once again. I bet this show will be a kickass show to remember! I do know a lot of people are talking about it. Get your tickets now, this will more than likely sell out!

As I Lay Dying Coming May 5:

A really good Christian metal band is coming on May 5 at Headliners. AILD is unreal live. If you love metal all around, this is a band you will surely like. They are versatile and as a unit come across as very powerful, indeed. I was shocked when I heard they were a Christian band when I saw them open for Lamb Of God. They were pretty darn heavy for a Christian band.

Musicwaffle.com is Here:

Recently I have been going through some total BS with my Myspace account. I use Myspace's Events invite system to invite my friends on Myspace to come see my band, and also to come see my Rock Showcase Series shows at Phoenix Hill Tavern. I haven't sent out that many events since I started, maybe 15 or so. Recently I noticed that some of my outgoing messages on Myspace were not being answered. So I called a friend and had them check to see if they got a message from me that I just sent. They got it all right, but my message went straight to their junkmail folder. So I contacted Myspace and complained that I am no spammer and to fix my stuff. Myspace said someone marked me as spam and that I'm blocked from sending messages to my friends and family because some dillhole could not be bothered to be sent show information and marked me as spam. And the only way to fix this was to get all my friends go to their junkmail folder and mark me as not junkmail!!

I am a busy man and I don't have time for this! I was using Myspace's own Events Planner/Invite and I'm blocked from messaging anyone because I used a service they provided?

Ridiculous! Needless to say, I was angered and annoyed to no end. Then I talked to my friend Chase Dabney (formerly of Burn To Shine) and he told me he started a new website that avoids all this hassle. It's called MusicWaffle.com and the goal is to promote your band without all the BS you have to go through with Facebook and Myspace. There are a few key features that you should know about:

1. You can search for new fans and venues by the types of music they listen to and the location and genre. 2. You can promote your shows whether they are in town, or on the road by posting your show posters and focusing the event in areas where people would actually attend. In other words, fans in Iowa would not receive the news unless you wanted them to. I have noticed that a lot of space and time is wasted because you are promoting in an area where no one could possibly attend. This fixes that totally.

3. Every time you post a show, people are automatically notified that you are playing that venue, and you don't have to worry about being booted from Myspace because you used the tools that they offer! 4. The site has a radio station built in that bands can upload their music to, where everybody can hear. The radio part is segmented into genres so you won't have to listen to music you don't like. Just pick your favorites and you are ready to go. 5. The website is free, but a few of the site's features do cost a little bit of money. If you want your band poster to appear on the page in a really prime location, then it costs $2 a day for that privilege. To upload to the radio is $2 a month per song, which is cheap. But you can upload songs to your Musicwaffle Profile for free. 6. Bands can manage their booking through the website and also keep in contact with the venue, and their time spot will be there for all to see so your fans won't be wondering when the heck you play.

With the problems I have had with Myspace, this seems like a really good idea. I hope it catches on and saves us musicians a lot of time and effort, not to mention it makes everything so easier for us to get word out about where we are playing next and all. Go check out MusicWaffle.com.

Great thinking Chase! Finally, someone with brains.

Five Finger Death Punch, Seether, Hell Yeah, Lacuna Coil in Lexington:

Sunday, May 9 at Rupp Arena, all hell is gonna break loose. Very good bands will be in action, so this is one show you do not want to miss! I'm excited about seeing FFDP and Lacuna again as well as Seether! It's going to be sweeeeeet.

Derby Eve at PHT w/ Puddle Of Mudd:

On Friday April 30 at Phoenix Hill, Puddle Of Mudd will be headlining the Mother Of All Derby Eve Bashs! Everyone who isn't retarded knows that the Hill's Derby Eve Bash is crazy fun and a must to attend for Derby fun, even if you don't like Muddle Of Pudd! Hope to see you all at the festivities!

Germany's Primal Fear coming to PHT:

If someone had told me that Germany's Primal Fear would be coming to Phoenix Hill Tavern, I would have said "Suuuuurrrre!" For one thing, they aren't really PHT material. They are oldschool Euro-thrash/melodic metal with a singer so gifted that he was one hair away from joining metal legends Judas Priest as lead vocalist back when they were looking for a replacement for Rob Halford. I am very grateful that PHT has opened its doors to metal like this. Thank you, PHT and Terry Harper for bringing metal like this to our part of the world. Normally, Louevil would have been passed up on shows like this, but now I get to see a band I have wanted to see for a while now. So all you true oldschool metal fans, be sure to attend this show, you'll thank me later!

In the meantime, look up Primal Fear's songs "Fighting The Darkness" or "Armageddon" and you will see what I mean! These guys are badass. Louevil's own symphonic metal demons Sonic Epitaph will be opening, so be early.

16 Bones "Unplugged" CD:

What's not to love about these acoustic, down-home Kentucky-bred rockers? Sure, it's not brutal metal nor does it deafen you like most rock bands do, but they do have some things that make for an interesting listening experience even to a metalhead such as myself. One thing is David "Sailor" Bryant, a longtime Louevil metal veteran who sang for hardcore metal bands My Own Victim, Surviving Thalia and Caldera. Sailor's metal voice was always cool (especially when he took over the vocal duties in MOV), but I really think he has finally found his true musical calling in the Kentucky redneck rock genre he now embraces with such fervor. The band has four guitarists, one bassist and one drummer. Most of these guys are metalheads trying something new, which is cool. I myself have played metal for years and I just got tired of the heaviness all the time. 16 Bones just recorded 16 very good songs at Sailor's house. The CD is called The sad and infinite confessions of the lonely and forgotten. "Weary Bones" has some cool old timey "Oh brother where art thou" bluesy leads over the strumming, and the vocals are cool, but I don't know if I like the heavier vocals added. They sound a bit distorted. The harmonica solo was sweet, though. The rest of the vocals in the song were fine except for the distorted parts. "Way Back Home" is a ballad that has some nice alternate picking in it with a flowing chorus. The violin part was nice, too, but a bit low in the mix: I was straining to hear it! Dammit, violins are cool. Turn that chit up. Some good guitar solos, too. Think I like the opening riff to "Meant For More" the best so far. This is my favorite song by 16 Bones. It just has that melody that grabs your soul and sends shivers up your arm. Simple but effective. Good lyrics in this song, maybe some of Sailor's best. I'm impressed. I asked Sailor what songs I should write about, and he almost passed this one up! Dude. Lay off the dope! I'm just kidding folks, Sailor is goodly and wholesome and would never partake in such activities! Drinking? Yes.

"Out of your mind" wasn't mentioned either, yet I like it a lot. It has a big-time Days Of The New feel to it. Good riffage, though. "Wounded Knees" is another of 16 Bones better songs. It's genuine Kentucky redneck, stompin' music. You expect a washboard, a whiskey jug with xxx on it, a washtub bass and other hillbilly musical devices to be implemented at various points. You do get plenty of acoustic guitar, both leads and strumming galore, as well as some nice harmonica, violin and keyboards. Sailor's vocals sound best in "Dust Them Bones", "Meant For More" and "Weary Bones." This recording sounds good. I wish I could record this good in my crib! Listening to this CD was a leisurely ride with 16 Bones, and I like what I hear.

They must be doing something right, because the band is preparing to go on tour with Days Of The New, starting on May 7, when they head up to Illinois and Northern Indiana to kick off the "Bone/Days" Tour! I bet they have a blast and get a great response. Opening for Days Of The News is a perfect gig for them. Hopefully good things will come of it.

Rob Zombie, Korn, Lamb Of God, Five Finger Death Punch, Hatebreed, Atreyu at Riverbend in July:

Yupper's, you heard me right! I've never seen a bad show at Riverbend in Cincinnati. In fact, every time I have gone, it was a blast, except the time Vinnie Paul of Pantera stole my potential woman. That was uncool, but funny if you weren't me! This show sounds like a no-lose situation for everybody. Not only do you get the popular nu-metal legends like Korn, but some old school hardcore with Hatebreed, as well as new melodic metal-meisters FFDP. If Lacuna Coil was on this bill, I think I would have blown a load. Jokes aside, get your tickets to this awesome show on Wednesday, July 21 at Riverbend. You have three months to plan what you will tell your boss when the show finally gets here. I always use "oooohhhh.. My poor innards hurt! I ate bad McDonald's! The agony!" With groan's throw in intermittently, of course!

I'll contact the nice folks at Riverbend, and see if they'll hook you readers up with some ticket giveaways! Everyone knows that most of the metalheads there will be from Louevil anyway!

New Band Alert, The Delicate Rocks:

I love it when I find a new band and I am able to help them out a little bit. It makes me feel good helping unsigned musicians get going and bettering themselves. One of these great new bands is Corydon, Indiana's The Delicate. A three-piece band that has a really good, full, alternative, dreamy sound. Super cool guys, too. I had never met them before and we hung out a bit at one of my shows. I checked out their recorded stuff and it sounded good, so I booked them, and I'm glad I did, because they rock! This is one of those bands you find and you are like "How are these guys not signed?" They should be touring Japan and banging hordes of geisha girls.

They were much better live. My singer and I were very impressed by both the songwriting and musicianship of such a new band to the scene. We were shocked. And my singer is a notoriously grumpy, nitpicking dude who picks at everything that's musical!

The style is moody indie rock, alternative and very listenable. The music is subtle, yet evocative, as if to suck you into The Delicate's world of emotion. The vocals are Depeche Mode meets Duran Duran, very melodic and tasteful. It's hard to not like this. The keyboards work well with the music, too. Michael Sanders plays guitar, keyboards and sings! And to top that off, these guys record their own music and have a recording studio where they record bands. Their performance is what really caught my attention, though. Fargin' excellent. Bassist Jordan Bailey has plenty of charisma and bass chops, as well as a fat bass tone. And I'm not even into this kind of music usually! Anyway, I recommended them to someone who put them as opening spot for Puddle Of Mudd. A perfect gig for these rockin' newcomers. If you like lighter indie rock, then The Delicate is a must-see. I had several bands that I could have recommended for that POM show, but I chose the right one in The Delicate.

Check out "Green lights" at Myspace.com/thedelicate.

Reign Of Revelation:

Young and talented. This new band is comprised of dudes who are only 18 years old but they put most thirty-year-old players to shame. Hailing from La Grange Kentucky , this four piece band caught my attention when I saw them at the Hellawicked show at PHT. Then someone told me they were 18 years old and I was amazed. I only got to hear a few minutes of the music but that was enough for me to realize that these guys rock! The music is oldschool metal to the max and I'm digging it. Matt Moor's vocals remind me of Vince Neil on "Rock n Roll Army." but at other times. the vocalist does the thrash vocal thing. A nice mixture. The band has a sub-par recording, but it's not too bad. This is one of those bands you have to see live. I'm liking the guitar tones, though. These humble young rockers are going to make some noise in this town, mark my words. I want to hear them in a real studio though! Meanwhile check out Myspace.com/revelationforever

R.I.P Peter Steele:

Peter Steele, the legendary singer/songwriter/bassist for the band Type O Negative died on Wednesday, April 14 of heart failure. Type O's music was amazing and unique, and a trend setter for sure. Peter was a gifted guy, and, to be perfectly honest, one of the nicest guys you could meet. I've met a lot of rock stars, but he was different. He wasn't a douche bag like most are!

He was very down-to-earth and friendly, talking to his fans as though they were his very good close friends. He kind of reminded me of Dimebag Darrell a lot, the way he embraced his fans. Not too many rock stars are like that. He may have tried to come off all evil and demented in his music and videos, but those who knew him and met him would agree that he was a big softy. In this jaded MF world, that is a rarity. Anyways, R.I.P Peter Steele. We will miss you bro! Your music will live on forever.

Sextone, Country Rockers:

Sextone, hailing from Madisonville, Kentucky is a band I kept hearing about, so I figured I better check them out. They're good, playing good-time rock with a serious Kentucky flavor. You don't find too bands like this in louevil. The music isn't very heavy nor was it meant to be, but the hooks are there, regardless, and the musicianship is up there, too. Steven Bauer's vocals are good and should go over well in the Ville. You can see this great backwoods Kentucky band in louevil on Friday, June 4 at Phoenix Hill Tavern at the "My family tree doesn't Fork – Redneck Rampage" show!

Sextoneofficial@live.com

Kentucky Deathwish R.I.P:

Kentucky Deathwish has broken up. It's a shame, because I liked the new music quite a bit and these guys were at the top of the Louevil metal scene, in my opinion. It's soooo hard to keep bands together these days, between families, jobs, the crappy economy, indecision, kids, addictions and just plain laziness. It sucks.

I'm sure we'll see the guys jamming again soon. I was yakkin with the guys and they said they might try to do lighter rock now, kinda like what I'm doing nowadays. That would be awesome because Chris has some amazing, clean riffs that could be something good!

Louevil Mojo, Abandon Ship:

I wrote a few months ago that Louisville Mojo was dying. They just nailed the coffin on themselves by changing policy and now trying to charge people to use the slowly dying local website.

Sorry, Mojo but you already had one foot in the grave, and now you want to start charging peeps? Um, good luck on that one. I've said it before but I'll say it again. I loved Mojo for awhile, but as a writer, musician and promoter I see/hear things.

The people who ran Mojo were not very smart about things. They could have done so much better, but every time someone offered to help them, they were given the cold shoulder. Maybe they should have at least checked out what the people say rather than to act like you are bothering them. I myself offered my friendship and help to promote the site. One would think with my connections in the scene that they would at least listen to what I have to say. But no, they acted arrogant and totally uninterested in helping the Louisville music scene. They had the perfect tool to help out our music scene (and themselves!!!), and they didn't do chit with it. What a waste.

It's all about advertisements and money with Louisville Mojo. However, you can still be a member for a certain amount of cash! I'll be deleting my account. Good riddance.

Upcoming Shows

Expo 5

Tuesday, May 4 – The Jagermeister Music Tour w/ Korn! $39 7 p.m. All ages.

Greenwave Music Hall (in Brandenburg KY)

Friday, May 14 – Horse The Band w/ Endless Hallway and Oceana. $12 6:30 p.m. All ages.

Friday, May 28 – Upon A Burning Body. 7 p.m.

Headliners Music Hall

Wednesday, May 5 – As I Lay Dying w/ Demon Hunter, Bless The Fall and War Of Ages! $20, 7 p.m.

Sunday, May 16 – MC Chris w/ Math The Band. $12, 7 p.m.

Sunday, May 23 – Halestorm w/ Janus, Jonathan Tyler, Madam Adam. $12, 7 p.m.

Wednesday, May 26 – Converge w/ Gaza, Lewd Acts and Black Breath. $13, 7 p.m.

Friday, May 28 – Fear Factory w/ Prong and Myth Of Man. $20, 6:30 p.m.

InnPlace Hotel and Conference Center

Thursday, May 13 – Insane Clown Posse w/ Kottonmouth Kings, Coolio, Kittie, Necro. $30, 5:30 p.m.

Skull Alley

Monday, May 17 – Crime In Stereo w/ The Swellers, This Time Next Year, Say Something Huge On Fire and Alcohawk. $10, 6 p.m.

Phoenix Hill Tavern

Friday, May 7 – "Demon Night" w/ Deliver Us From Evil, Societys Plague, Seclusion, Chaordica and Dreadfall. 9 p.m. Free before 9.

Wednesday, May 12 – Louisville Rocks w/ Year Of The Gun. 9:30 p.m.

Thursday, May 27 – Dying Fetus w/ Arsis, Misery Index, Annotations Of An Autopsy and Conducting From The Grave. $15, 7 p.m. 21+

Friday, May 28 – Primal Fear w/ Havok and Sonic Epitaph. $15–$40, 7 p.m.

Thursday, June 3 – Bobaflex, Through The Storm, Audible Point and Burning Babylon. $10, 7 p.m.

Friday, June 4 – "My family tree doesn't fork – Redneck Rampage" w/ BoneJinn, Hicks Road, 16 Bones, Boozer, Sextone (Madisonville KY), Year Of The Gun (unconfirmed). 9 p.m.

Uncle Pleasants

Friday, May 7 – Set Your Goals w/ Comeback Kid, Title Fight, Smartbomb and Rattletooth. $15, 7 p.m.

Wednesday, May 12 – Parabelle w/ Nova Red, 7DaySun and Silent From The Struggle. $10, 7 p.m.

Thursday, May 13 – Versa Emerge w/ Eye Alaska, Let's Get It, Aevum, Fighting For Friday, Before day, Breaks. $12, 7 p.m.

Tuesday, May 25 – Hypocrisy w/ Scar Symmetry, Hate, Blackguard, Swashbuckle. $20–$40, 7 p.m.

Friday, May 28 – Jeffree Star w/ Brokencyde, Blood On The Dancefloor and Stereos. $15, 7 p.m.

Wicks Pizza (on Baxter)

Saturday, May 8 – Some Kind Of Saint and Year Of The Gun. 9:45 p.m.

Props of the Month

This month's props go out to all of YOU who go out of your way to read Louisville Music News and my work here at the paper. Words cannot express the way some of you make me feel sometimes. It makes it all worth it. The printed version of my column may have gotten a bit smaller due to the economy, but all my words will be here online for you to read. More than ever!

But seriously, without your support and interest, I would have quit long ago. But you readers have embraced my blunt words and jaded ways, so I just wanted to say thank you for letting me be "who I really am."